Monday September 15, 2008

Monday morning came all to soon..... I'm sitting at work waiting to punch in. This sucks. Not much sleep last night! Hmmmmm I wonder why! I thought, or at least, was thinking, that I'd try and get a job at Waukesha Memorial. But in the NICU. I enjoyed the nursing home so I shouldn't let my CNA go to waste.... But I won't do this for while.... But anyways... my brain is numb right now. Monday's SUCK. the end.

Okay.... headset is on and first call came through right away. Seems like the call volume is up today, we might be busy! Weird! So since I can't READ anymore, I didn't bring any magazines.... so I’ll be writing today. I think that I really want to make some changes in my life. Suddenly, I have a motivator! (thank you Buyseasons). Though that almost seems ridiculous to say. How that works, I’m not quite sure. He doesn't know it, but his presence is almost inspiring; hopeful. Keeps me feeling like some day my own life will work out whether it’s with MY "other half" or someone I don't even know yet. Or nobody!! (Another call....crazy lady!) I have all these torn thoughts about what I’m doing with myself. What my 'true' goals are and how I go about gauging what they should be at this point in my life. Whether I should play the responsible role. Concentrate on working, saving money, going to school, paying bills, not partying, blah blah blah..... Or try to be more carefree. I'm 19. I'm too serious. Should I "chillax" more? Go to college parties? Focus more on being the beer pong champ instead of showing up on time at work every day? OBVIOUSLY there is some sort of middle role I should be playing. But I can't seem to find it. Lately, I’ve fallen more into the responsible role. I'M in charge of the money. I'M the one setting the alarm so we get to work, not on time.... but EARLY. I listen to Frank Sinatra in the morning and watch the news and drink wine instead of a case of beer. (don't get me wrong... occasionly I party it up and throw back some beers but....) What kind of 19 year old am I? I think a huge part of it though, is because I’ve been so hurt by all the wrong people. I'm starting to wonder if the human race is capable of actual, sincere affection, compassion, gratitude, honesty.... with no loop holes, or AND IF OR BUT'S! No pay backs or back stabbing. No judgments or accusations. Just TRUTH. I think it’s impossible! Even I can't do it. Right now I’m even passing judgment on this lady sitting next to me. Oh my god.... SHUT UP!!!!!!
Anyways..... Like I was saying.... Its one thing when random people hurt you... it’s another thing when the people you love and care about most, hurt you.
So, I know so far this entry has been all "boo hoo" cry baby whine about life! I get it, we're all going through something at some point! Just let me bitch some more to get it out of my system and then we'll have some fun!!! And don't worry I’m not like cutting on myself or anything!
I've noticed over the past.... oh I dunno.... five years or so, the deflation in my personality. Granted the more you get older, "grow up" and get exposed to more of the "real world", naturally its cruelties put you in check. BUT the harshness of it all should not be SO great as to change you SO drastically. I dunno maybe it's just me having issues. But I don't feel like bitching anymore right now. Break time! When I come back hopefully my entry's will get happier! And maybe even a little mischievous! Peace!

I'm back. It is 9:33AM. I have been logged in at work for two hours now and I’ve recieved only apx 10 calls. Hey!!! At least I’m getting paid for something simple! Heehee it makes me giggle!
SOOOOOOOO....... Here is a little bit about me!
I'm bubbly and usually bouncing off the walls. I don't wanna say I like to be the center of attention but who am I kidding! I like being noticed! I can't eat mac n cheese with a fork it MUST be with a spoon!
My favorite place is down in Vero Beach, Florida. Late at night I walk down to the end of the boardwalk and just lay down on a bench and stare up at all the stars in the sky. A sight you'll never see around here. But the best part is the feeling I get when the cool sea breeze hits my warm sun baked freckled skin, and the smell of salt in the air fills my nose. It truly is the best feeling ever. Nothing but me and the roar of the ocean waves crashing down upon each other. It reminds me of how much power Mother Nature has, and how little we appreciate it.
J'adore francais est le petit prince! C'est une livre des enfants. I enjoy foreign films, you know those ones that people hate with the sub titles! Endochine (spelling might be incorrect) was my favy! I'm totally a hopeless romantic and WAY overly emotional. It's the smallest things that can make my world go round, and it's the smallest things that tear my world apart! Some people just don't understand this.
To the important things.......
Favorite color: Orange
Reason: My sophmore year in highschool in my poetry class, we were talking about (I dunno what its called) some word-color association... We were suppose to come up with the color that best described us. SO first, I thought of a word that best described me. I came up with unique, and the color orange popped into my head. It became evident to me that I associated myself with the color orange....
moving on....
Lucky Number: 16
Reason: My birthday is on the 16th of march! My brothers birthday is on the 16th of January. 16 was my golden birthday, got my drivers license at 16. 16 is a great number for me!
Favorite Food: Pizza with french fries, nacho cheese and ranch dressing on top!
Reason: Alpine Valley. Two years ago. I was snowboarding with the boys and was being all messy and playing with my food. I put all of this together and it was like the best food ever!!! lol
Least Favorite Food: FISH (seafood in general)
Reason: Fish are friends no food! (except stinkin dolphins! Yeah, they think their sooo cute. Look at me, I’m a dolphin, let me flip for you, I know something!)... Finding Nemo... anyone?? Anyways.... I grew up on a lake and when I was young I would go out and snorkel in front of the pier and would hand feed the fish some bread. Well my fish started disappearing.... Then I realized my brother and dad were catching them and my mom was frying them up for dinner.....
Lost Big V: Jet ski on the beach in Vero Beach FL
Reason: No story necessary!
Hometown: East Troy
-Thank god I’m not a redneck hick like everyone else!
Pets: Onyx (aka MR. Onyx) Black and white long haired cat. Male. He is my Pretty man and my lover boy!
Lynx (aka Lynxy, Lynxafer, Lynxy poo) Brown/grey striped short haired cat. Male. He's gay but in denial. We love him just the same.
Thunder (aka Baby!) He's just little.... short haired black (chocolate brown in the light) with random grey hairs.